thank you to little jen who found most of these quotes!!
THIS IS SPINAL TAP....
Nigel: What's wrong with being sexy?
David: Not sexy, sexist! Ist!
David:
"I don't think the problem was the dubbing... I think the problem was that we had a stonehenge in danger of being crushed by dwarves!!"
"You're not paid to be as confused as Nigel"
AUSTIN POWERS....
"Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy... the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess in the insane lament. My childhood was typical... summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds... pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it."
"Your semi-evil, your quasi-evil, your the margarine of evil, your the diet coke of evil, just one calorie, not "evil" enough" -Dr. Evil
"Mini me are you Hungry? Something to Eat? Not Even a Hot Pocket? An Eggo? No We don't gnaw on our Kitty....No Min- NO...Leave Mini-Mr Bigglesworth Alone. Just Stroke Him and Love Him." -Dr. Evil
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WAYNES WORLD....
Garth:
"Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?"
Wayne:
"A gun rack? A gun rack. I don't even own A gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am i gonna do, with a gun rack?"
"Am I supposed to be a man? Am I supposed to say, it's OK, I don't mind! I don't mind! Well I mind, I mind big time! And do you know what the worst part of all is? I never learned to read!"
"It certainly does suck."
"Will you still love me when I'm in my sequin jumpsuit, carbohydrate, wet girls in cotton panties, bloated, purple, dead on a toilet seat phase?"
"First he screws me, then he screws you. It's dutch door action!"
"It will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine."
"You've gone mental!"
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER....
"I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away."
-Xander
"For I am Xander, King of Cretins; may all lesser cretins bow before me."
-Xander
"Why should someone want to hurt Cordelia?"
"Maybe because they met her? ... Did I say that?"
-Giles and Willow
"I can't take care of things! I killed my Giga Pet. Literally. I sat on it and it broke."
-Buffy
"It's time for me to act like a man. And hide."
-Xander
"What's the plan?"
"The vampire attacks you."
"And then what?"
"The vampire kills you. We watch, we rejoice."
-Cordelia and Xander.
"First rule of slaying: don't die."
-Buffy
"Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do."
-Buffy
"Before I was the Slayer, I was... Well, I don't want to say shallow, but... let's say a certain person, who will remain nameless, we'll just call her Spordelia, looked like a classical philosopher next to me."
-Buffy
"It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps. And I loved you."
"Why?"
"'Cause I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe, to warm it with my own."
"That's beautiful... Or taken literally, incredibly gross."
"I was just thinking that too."
-Angel and Buffy
"We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel."
"Now, let's be clear. The brain damage happened before I hit you."
-Giles and Cordelia
"Someone with a soul did this?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so."
"Okay, then while you're looking for the meaning of that symbol thingy, could you also find a loophole in that 'Slayers don't kill people' rule?"
-Buffy and Giles
"I just talked to Buffy, and yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. No, not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, 'kay?"
-Willow
"Gentleman of leisure? Isn't that just British for unemployed?"
-Buffy
"What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help! 4 times 5 is 30. 5 times 6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women. Naked Buffy. Oh, stop me!"
"God, Xander, is that all you think about?"
"Actually... Bye!"
-Xander and Buffy
"I haven't processed everything yet. My brain isn't really functioning on the higher levels. It's pretty much 'Fire bad. Tree pretty'."
-Buffy
"Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?"
"No."
"Oh. Can I make him a vampire?"
"No. Wait. On second thought, yeah. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well."
-Harmony and Spike
"Will, I think you better get used to-- a Twinkie!? That's his lunch? Oh, he is so gonna be punished."
"Everyone's getting spanked but me."
"What?"
"Uh, nothing."
-Buffy and Willow
"I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne, and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? Because it's wrong."
-Faith, to Spike
"Harmony has minions?"
"Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just...Harmony has minions!"
"And ruffles have ridges. Buffy, there's actually a more serious side to all this."
"I sure hope so, 'cause I'm having trouble breathing."
-Buffy and Xander
"Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the Homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad, you suck."
-Buffy
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